Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Questionnaire for potential Ijok MIC candidates

KUALA LUMPUR: Datuk Seri S. Samy Vellu has been receiving thousands of SMS messages in support of possible candidates for the Ijok state seat in Selangor.

However, the MIC president said he would not be influenced by them.

“Every day I have been getting these SMSes. They think they can influence me. It will not happen. I always make my own decision,” he said.

In fact, Samy Vellu said he had not even thought about the potential candidate yet as the nomination date for the by-election had not been fixed.

Yesterday, I read in The Star that our MIC dictator, oops, I meant defacto leader, was receiving too many suggestions on who shall be the next for MP Ijok. Let's face it. Barisan candidate means MP (MestiPelakon) also lar, in Malaysia Politikus talk.

Since I wanna make a difference to our political circus, I shall help our dear Semi-Value to reduce the number of potential candidates. Make it easier for him to decide lar.

So listen up all you potential candidates, please complete the following qualifying questionnaire and don't worry. We know that you don't really need brains before wagging the tongue in the entertaining People's Hall or to the press, so it's in multiple choice, heh!

Qualifying Questionnaire for Potential MestiPelakons

Q1: We are a multiracial FRONT. Are you Indian?

(a) Who cares? It should be on merit and not race based! Let me tell you something... bla bla bla
(b) Yes, but I can't speak tamil apart from curses, otha!
(c) errr, awak cakap melayu? Cakap omputih saya tak best
(d) oi macha! yen na dei???

Q2: We only want the BEST for the people. What is your OFFICIAL occupation?
(a) Accountant
(b) Owner of several backlane "Cuci & Vakum" kereta operations
(c) Owner of Kurmar's Curry House chain of restaurants
(d) Doctor

Q3: Are you loyal to our President?
(a) Hate him. You want my list of grouses?
(b) Yes.... for now. Wait till I challenge him at the next AGM, muahahahahar!
(c) Speak through my bank account
(d) His quotes are masterpieces. I teach them to my children.

Q4: How well do you know Ijok?
(a) It's located around Lat 3N Long 101E
(b) Pass through on my way to Tg Karang for seafood
(c) No comment
(d) I love the President!

Q5: How will you serve the people of Ijok?
(a) I shall listen and compile all their complaints into volumes, raise them to the authorities without fear or favour.
(b) I shall start a blog with an online forum
(c) I shall listen and compile all their complaints into volumes, and then die a natural death
(d) I shall develop the oil palm plantations, maybe build an airport for private helicopters. A toll road sounds good too.

Q6: Who is the present Prime Minister of Malaysia?
(a) Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamad
(b) Khairy Jamaluddin
(c) Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi
(d) I love the President!

Q7: How will you promote Malaysia in your capacity as MestiPelakon?
(a) By becoming a responsible, action oriented and respectable community leader of all in Ijok.
(b) I will start a blog about my constituent work. Maybe YouTube if tak kena censor.
(c) I just smile, shake hands and keep my mouth shut.
(d) Who cares? The FRONT comes first. I shall heckle Uncle Lim, Teresa Kok, Fong Po Kuan non-stop and drown their voices out, muahahahahar!

Ok, just 7 questions. I was thinking of 10 abuden, who cares? hehehe.

How you score:
Ok, the scoring is pretty simple. Give yourself 1 point for each (a), 2 points for each (b), 3 points for each (c) and 4 points for each (d).

What your score says:

Below 7:
You are definitely not a born MestiPelakon due to your devil-may-care and tidak-apa attitude. However, we need your votes. Please find enclosed in the brown envelope some "incentive". ;)

7 to 14:
You definitely have what it takes to be in the OPPOSITION! Go talk to Uncle Lim or start a blog. But do remember to host your blog in Malaysia and register with KTAK. The gahmen will contact you in due course for an all expenses paid study tour of Kamunting, Perak.

15 to 21:
You have potential, my young padawan. Learn well the Art of Subterfuge and never ever be afraid of female bloggers (who are unemployed) and male bloggers (who are liars and cheaters). To start off your political career, you can help the President by being a banner waver and slogan shouter. Once in a while, raise your voices and heckle the OPPOSITION. It's FUN, I tell you :P

22 to 28:
Where have you been? Come join the party and the President's camp. Liaison and name dropping does have it's privileges, muahahahar! Here's an AP for you. Go upgrade your Proton into a Mercedes next week.

30 and above:
You already have superduper MestiPelakon quality because you are a blatant liar! The party already has lotsa people like you but you should consider NATIONAL SERVICE. Please send in your resume and cv to the FRONT's Head Office for them to assess how good a liar you are. Does a life in the mass media appeal to you?

Buaya69 says... "I'm soooo deadddd! You know when I am not working at my desk, heh!"

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